A few weeks ago, I got an email from a client asking a question that was better answered over the phone. It was 4pm on a Friday and people would be arriving any minute for a dinner party that my husband and I were hosting for his lab. I thought it was better to address it sooner than later to keep the project moving so I picked up the phone. The conversation was less than five minutes, but it completely knocked me off my feet and sent the entire following week into a downward spiral.
She was upset about how the project was going. She was frustrated and wasn’t afraid to share that with me. She instructed that I take more time over the weekend to go over my work again. And thanks for calling.
UGH.
From that moment on, I was physically uneasy until I was able to submit the final project two weeks later. I hate conflict and knowing that someone is upset at me (or at least in my direction). I was worried and anxious and couldn’t get the issue out of my mind for days. I couldn’t enjoy my time at the party or with my husband and kids over the weekend. My thoughts and anxiety about the project was consuming me.
I was praying desperate prayers to be able to shake the empty pit in my stomach and giant black hole in my mind. Turns out, God had just revealed a giant weed in my heart that I didn’t realize was there. Since becoming a work-from-home mom years ago, I thought my struggle with finding my identity in work instead of in Jesus was behind me. Turns out, it’s not.
“Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake, I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ.”
Philippians 3: 8 (ESV, emphasis mine)
What’s your everything?
Maybe it’s being a mother. Or your family’s health. Your work. Your hobby. Your home. Your church. Your community. Your gadgets. Maybe it’s just being happy.
Read Philippians 3:8 again, but this time, replace everything with that specific thing that is your everything.
- Indeed, I count my health as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.
- Indeed, I count my work as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.
- Indeed, I count my home as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.
- Indeed, I count my happiness as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.
The more and more I prayed about this sneaky yet serious issue that God was revealing in me. The more and more God was asking me this question: If I were to completely take away all of your work, what would be left for you?
The more and more I prayed about this issue that God was revealing in me. The more and more God was asking me this question: If I were to completely take away what's important to you, what would be left? Click To TweetWow – what a difficult question. You see, I love the work I do and enjoy working in general. I made a conscious decision to not be a full-time stay-at-home mom when given the choice, because I want to work, at least part-time. When that project wasn’t going well, God used it to show me that my identity in him was fading into identity in my career. I was putting more stock in being a work-from-home momma than in being his daughter. Ouch. That’s hard to admit.
If we back up a bit in Philippians, we’ll see some examples of Paul’s “everything”.
“For we are the circumcision, who worship by the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh — though I myself have reason for confidence in the flesh also. If anyone else thinks he has reason for confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to righteousness under the law, blameless. But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ.”
Philippians 3:3-7 (ESV)
So let me ask again, what is your everything? What is it that if it went terribly wrong, or was suddenly gone tomorrow, would cause an identity crisis in you? What is it that would consume you and you’d have it wrestle it out with God?
What is it that if it went terribly wrong, or was suddenly gone tomorrow, would cause an identity crisis in you? What is it that would consume you and you’d have it wrestle it out with God? Click To TweetIs your everything your husband? Best friend? Mom? Dad? Children? Getting pregnant? Your home? Career? Your daily Schedule? Your vacation? Your health? Your finances?
I’ve been praying about this for three weeks now, and it’s something that I thought was behind me years ago. I now know this will be a sticking point for some time, but praise God in his goodness for revealing this sin within me so that it doesn’t continue to grow and breed.
“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Psalm 139: 24 (ESV)
If you have the time, I encourage you to pull out your Bible and read the entirety of Philippians 3. Paul continues the thought of letting go of our everything, finding our identity in Christ, and pressing on towards the goal for the prize in Christ Jesus. He goes to hope that God would revealed contrary thoughts in us and that our eyes would strain only to see the prize that awaits us when we are with Jesus. No earthly prize or calling will ever compare and is not worth our identity.
“But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.”
Philippians 3: 20-21 (ESV)
MORE RESOURCES FOR THE GOSPEL-CENTERED MOMMA
Messy Tired Love publishes devotionals that connect everyday mom moments with the truth of the gospel. Explore the devotionals here.
You can also check out our resources page for game-changing resources for the gospel-centered momma. All of the resources have been or are personally used by me (Kristina) and are among the best of the best: resources to dive deeper into your faith, children’s books and bibles, and parenting books.
MORE RESOURCES FOR THE GOSPEL-CENTERED MOMMA
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Find more Messy Tired Love resources for the working mom here.
Messy Tired Love publishes devotionals that connect everyday mom moments with the truth of the gospel. Explore the devotionals here.
You can also check out our resources page for game-changing resources for the gospel-centered momma. All of the resources have been or are personally used by me (Kristina) and are among the best of the best: resources to dive deeper into your faith, children’s books and bibles, and parenting books.
Welcome to Messy Tired Love! The devotionals you'll find here aim to connect your everyday mom moments to the truth of the gospel. I hold nothing back as I share my story that's filled with lots of messy, tired, but oh-so-filled-with-love moments. I have three little blessings, that together with God's Word are the inspiration for these devotionals. I hope you will be encouraged, and maybe even get a good laugh, while exploring these devotionals. Much love!