I’m just going to come out and say it: being a mom has made me a terrible friend from time to time. You guys…I missed my best friend’s birthday this year. Who does that?!?!?!? A mom with a new baby, that’s who. ME. That was three months ago and I still haven’t gotten to the post office to mail her present. Ugh. (Side note: typing this just made me remember that I also haven’t sent my brother his birthday present…which was two months ago. Fail. Fail. Fail.)
I have to cancel plans frequently because my child is sick.
OR someone is napping late and I don’t want a grump-pants on my hands because I woke him or her up in the middle of an REM cycle.
OR temper tantrums are the thing of the day and I’m not dragging my flopped-to-the-ground, dead-weight, screaming preschooler to the car with a baby strapped to me.
OR I’m just too exhausted to pack the 500 things required of my two children just to spend an hour at the playground, then repack it all to come home.
I’ll read a text message and forget to respond because I’m in the middle of cooking dinner while also trying to keep my 40 pound child from injuring my 18 pound child while playing with mega bloks.
I’ll invite a friend over for lunch and then not get to talk to her much because I’m interrupted 36 times by a someone who just has to tell me right this second that “MOM! That sunflower is YELLOW!” and then a minute later requires my participation in bathroom activities. And then repeats it over and over until she leaves.
I used to send homemade cards for people’s birthdays, holidays, thank yous…now I’m lucky if I get a store bought card in the mail a few weeks late.
Be a Friend Who Reflects Christ
Being a mom can make us (sometimes) terrible friends. Which brings us to God’s word for the day:
Colossians 3:12-14
12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
The day after my best friend’s birthday, I talked to her and apologized for being a terrible friend.
Her exact words were, “Yeah, I noticed you forgot. It’s OK. People with babies get a “free” card.” And then we talked about our normal stuff and all was well with the world. She was the embodiment of Colossians 3: 12-14 that day. She didn’t get mad or offended. She didn’t judge me because I couldn’t handle life that week. She was kind, gentle, patient, forgiving, and loving.
Will you join me in striving to model those verses, just as she did with me that day? Whether it is your best friend or a complete stranger, we all need a little (a lot) of grace when deep in the mom trenches.
Luke 6:31
“And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.”
If someone cancels plans with you, be understanding. If someone doesn’t respond to a text, be patient. If someone forgets your birthday, forgive. If someone is grumpy with you, send up a prayer for them and be compassionate. You never know the chaos that may be going on that you don’t see or hear about. Treat others with the love of Christ that binds us all together in perfect unity!
Romans 12:10
“Love one another with brotherly affection. Out do one another in showing honor.”
Friends are so incredibly important for moms. God designed us to need one another, and leaning on others when we need strength is part of his design of the church. Read Messy Tired Love’s devotional “Finding Strength in Church Community.” Don’t alienate yourself because life is tough right now. And don’t shy away from people that don’t have it together themselves. Let’s work together, mom together, and be reflections of Christ together!
For more one day devotionals from Messy Tired Love, click here. To learn more about these devotionals for Christian moms, click here.
Welcome to Messy Tired Love! The devotionals you'll find here aim to connect your everyday mom moments to the truth of the gospel. I hold nothing back as I share my story that's filled with lots of messy, tired, but oh-so-filled-with-love moments. I have three little blessings, that together with God's Word are the inspiration for these devotionals. I hope you will be encouraged, and maybe even get a good laugh, while exploring these devotionals. Much love!
Friends are so important to us, but to be a friend, we have to show ourselves friendly
I really like this quote from CS Lewis “Is any pleasure on earth as great as a circle of Christian friends by a fire?”. Your comment made me think of it. Thank you!
I definitely need to share this with a friend of mine who is expecting and another friend who seems to think that she will still be able to do things exactly the same now that baby has arrived and feels badly when she misses things!
Thanks, Neva! Send them on over! They definitely shouldn’t feel bad – it’s a season of life.
Thankfully when you have a new baby, people understand when you forget their birthday. When other sorrow or trials are happening that make a woman distraught, and she forgets, people get way more upset. Like you said, we should be kind to one another, since we might not know what our friend is going through that week.
Yes, I agree and have experienced this as well. There are many times in life that make friendships hard. Thanks for your thoughts!
All of our friendships should be Godly ones – we should always be tryin to do Christ in everything we say and do!
Amen! Thanks, Andrea!
I love this. I am already a terrible friend and my baby hasn’t even been born yet. lol. I also totally forgot about my brother’s birthday! Thank goodness it’s on Thursday so I can at least attempt to do something nice. and the Thank You notes for my Baby shower, yup they still haven’t been mailed…. I totally feel you. Keep up the good work mama. I enjoy reading your posts!
Pregnancy brain is totally a thing!:) Thanks, Jane.
Sometimes it is hard to get around having kids and doing things. But I don’t think that makes us horrible friends.
This is more about the season of life that makes it harder, like you mentioned, no necessary terrible friends as a fact. Thanks for reading and adding your input!
I absolutely love this. I’ve been that terrible mom friend. And I so love your advice. It is spot on for any relationship – mom or not.
Hi Kristina! You are so right! I had to learn as a young mom to look at my friends’ hearts. Life happens – and moreso when you’re a young mom. When I had my second baby my best friend didn’t visit for a lonnnnnnnnng time and I decided “Either I love her the way she is or I move on.” We’re still great friends! Life happens and love needs to cover the hiccups!!!
Thanks for sharing a bit of your story. It’s so helpful to hear from other moms!
Great post. I’m sending this to a few of my Mom friends. 🙂 It made me laugh too. 🙂
Thanks for sharing this, Charlene!
Yes! This is such an encourage heart post. We might not know what the other is going through and even if we do, extending extra grace is never a bad thing?
Nope, never a bad thing and always better to take the high road. Especially when our little ones are watching! Thanks, Kristi!
Really loved this post! I am in the trenches along with you and being a friend has changed dramatically. Very encouraging!
I’m so glad that you’ve been encouraged by this devotional! <3
Yep! Being a friend when you’re busy raising a family can be challenging. It’s important to take time to nurture those relationships.
Yes! It comes and goes but important none the less. Thanks for adding your thoughts!
Real friends understand , I think. My favorite friends are the ones I can not see for years,but when I see them, we pick up where we left off.
Yes! So true!
Oh my gosh, i can totally relate to this! I also forgot my best friend’s birthday! 🙁 I have two kids and I didn’t even realize it until 2 days later! I felt so horrible. She was easily forgiving and said”don’t worry, I didn’t really put it out there and I didn’t celebrate either. Plus, I know it can get super busy with kids”. I love her. Now she is a first time mommy this week! We have much more to bond over now lol
You’ve got a keeper 😉
Yes, so much this! Thank you for showing me I’m not the only one!
You’re welcome! I’m so glad you can relate. 🙂
I definitely used to feel bad when I could no longer hang out with my friends after my baby was born. Now that he is two years old he is easier to take around to events, etc and I do it as often as I can (without overwhelming myself of course). Sometimes it is still a little difficult but I don’t feel as bad because I know that sometimes you just can’t and my friends are okay with that. They understand and appreciate that me being a mother holds different responsibilities and they accept that.
Thanks for sharing about your experience! I think each stage of our child’s life makes things a little easier and harder for us. For example, it’s easier to take my son places now that he is three, but then I have to keep him from running around like a wild animal. 🙂 He’s so interested and learning so much every moment of the day – it makes it worth it!
Hi! Just dropping by to let you know I’ve nominated you for the Blogger Recognition Award! I’ve really enjoyed reading your blog on my recent journey into blogging and I just wanted to share the love. Check out my acceptance post to learn how to accept your nomination: https://mysocalledcrunchylife.com/2017/09/06/blogger-recognition-award/
Thanks for inspiring me,
Marie @ My So Called Crunchy Life
Wow – thanks so much, Marie! I’ve enjoyed following you as well! <3